In case you’re wondering, I did finish that essay. It didn’t reach 8 pages and was probably one of the most embarassing things I’ve ever sent to a professor, like, ever. I’m expecting to be pulled aside next class, or whenever he manages to check my essay, and have a Conversation about it. I imagine the only thing I will be able to say in my defense is that I’ll work harder next time and that it won’t happen again. I mean, at least I sent my essay, as flawed as it was, unlike some hypothetical people who didn’t send it. B for participation?
Anyway, this week I was actually on a break, starting on Tuesday (it actually started on Wednesday but Tuesday is my free day so whoo, extra day!) and ending this Wednesday. Maybe someone out there imagines that, since I had so much free time, I would have spent it writing. Maybe even, I don’t know, studying for that test on Wednesday.
The thing is that, given the oportunity, I’m very good at ignoring my life. I can somehow distract myself for hours and then, when I look at the time, realize that I probably should have done other things. Sure, some of the time what I do relates to subjects or activities I’m interested in and enjoy, but other times I find myself just browsing aimlessly and doing stuff I won’t even be able to recall the next day. Those are the times I later regret, when I’m rushing to finish an assignment I should have taken my time on or when I realize I didn’t publish a blog post that week. Uhh, yeah.
But today I want to focus on another aspect of my life, besides the fact that it’s a slowly progressing trainwreck. I spent a few days watching a series some friends of mine recommended, and I really enjoyed it! In fact, it has been a long time since I took the time to actually watch a series, even ones I’m a big fan of. Hell, I haven’t even read much these days, but I chalk it up to University. The only things I’ve been following are webcomics and podcasts, but I figure that’s because they update regularly and I’m too emotionally invested at this point to just give them up. In the case of series, there’s the effort of finding out if they’re even airing here at all, and if they aren’t I have to use certain… means to watch them, which is a whole other effort I mostly am not willing to make unless I am very motivated to do so. And even if I do start a series, I need to make watching it a routine (if I don’t binge watch it in three days) or else I just kind of… stop. This happens to other things as well, which is why I have to keep a webcomic/article/story open in my browser or else I’ll abandon it.
The point is that, I need this. I need the time to immerse myself in stories. It’s what gets my imagination going, it’s what gives it fuel. And it has been that way since I was little and spent the day watching cartoons and making up stories in my head based on them. I always read about how I need to find the things that give me inspiration to write, and one of the things for me is stories, whether they’re fictional or real, written or told or filmed or drawn.
When I finished the series, I felt a buzz, a tingly sensation at the back of my head. I knew what it was. It was that sensation that comes when I really need to write. It wasn’t even inspiration, or a specific idea, it was just a need to write. I guess this post is just me scratching that itch, but I still want to write a short story soon. Dunno when that’ll happen though, but it will.
And now back to catching-up-with-uni-stuff-and-what-do-you-mean-I-still-have-to-study-for-that-test hell.